Frost Nova presents Bleauette, everyone’s favourite blue duck. Fabled to journey through the miscellany of our collective psyches for all eternity. From far away the animals come gather round to see, but she knows not how they feel, and she knows not what it means. Here’s the first chapter in this fateful saga, a collaborative effort between Josh and myself, made possible through the wonders of technology and boredom; not to mention the countless hours alone with a certain blue duck in a certain dark room watching way too much anime till the early hours of the morning. Thanks to Dave for the pic :-) Enjoy!

Bleauette’s Terrible Adventures (Chapter 1)

Bleauette’s faint but clearly distressed quack rang out through the College. Oh no! Her owner was in trouble! But alas, at the last minute she started listening to some wierd trippy techno, coming down from a high sucking on a Chuppa Chup. She bounced around and headbanged, looking for all the world like a raver. One that could rave like you’ve never seen. She would rave untill she was a mixed up dissolved duck sitting on the mezzanine, staring out at the cityscape…

“The monsters AAAAHHH!!! They’re all pink and green and swirly!!!” exclaimed Bleauette. Seamus checked his pocketwatch, and decided it was definitely time to go home.

“Hmm, spider webs and assortments of geometric shapes floating in my mind… unreal man… I am such a hippy…” You couldn’t tell him from the dope he was smoking.

“What about me?” quacked Bleauette. “Are you going to share some of that joint?”

“Don’t be a wiener, I want it!” yelled Seamus.

Chitchat like that went on for hours… They barely dodged the cliff, and a close to nearly almost plunge into the icy depths of the ocean below. But thankfully, Lara Croft was waiting to snatch them from its hungry jaws.

“I loved Scarlet Pimpernel, although it was crap and entirely unrelated to the banana I just ate.” said Bleauette.

“But you look delicious anyhow,” Seamus smirked evilly at the banana.

“After the pineapple ice cream they just had sex in the tub…” added Seamus. “Mommy! I want me sandwich now!”

“And that’s quite enough detail, thankyouverymuch,” Bleauette cut in, seeing the director of the production board.

“We are going to give evil bastards the privelige and power to do to others what they’ve been fantasising about all their lives,” he announced.

It suddenly became extremely interesting when the stage manager handed them new pieces of paper, all folded into nice lampshades with the tramstop ladies painted on them. It helped Seamus and Bleauette get into character.

Staring furiously at the script, the director couldn’t help but sweatdrop. What else could James do now but throw himself onto her hot sweaty dark tanned naked body while the cameras were still rolling?

Until the powerplant closed down, they used to have somewhere to read the newspaper. Although the Economist would have been more interesting, it was also too small. He tried to fit it in. James was pressing so hard. And then she tried. And then… the key finally turned and the wild neon-coloured door flung open with a huge thud. They stepped inside, and James remarked how it was all very sixties.

“But what’s that mean?” Jesse asked in her usual irritating style.

“Hey, speak up a bit!” James shouted. “This is starting to get shagadelic!”

“Yeah Baby!” Jesse added, and then looking rather perplexed she suggested, “But…uhh…I think the monkey should leave it’s pants off. I like it better that way.”

“To go!”, yelled James, making a gratuitious reference to the eighties.

It was beautiful weather for it, and they averaged 19 km/h, despite a hefty headwind on the way back. The team travelled a total of 50 km, taking in the waterfront views from the West Gate bridge onwards.

Meanwhile, on Melee Island…

Trowa gave Quatre another one of those looks… You know, the kind you’re not supposed to give to someone?

A loud mechanized voice blared over the intercom. “Our records indicate that although you did not attend the Big Orgy on Monday this week, it is not too late to participate in the program.”

Trowa contemplated briefly.

“You can still join a study group for the remiander of the semester.” The intercom lady finished intriguingly.

“I can’t get away from university,” Tim moaned…

“Well maybe you should seek counseling.” she suggested.

Tim thought that going once a week was an overkill worthy of Stallone, but the cabbit just wouldn’t breed, no matter how much viagra and dark matter we exposed it to; sunlight, making it burst into flame.

“Wow, thanks!” Ryoko said. But Tenchi knew what she really meant… Tenchi knew something was weird about Ryoko. He knew she was hot but what was unbelievable is that she could cook as well!

Even though the ball just kept on rolling along the powerlines, glowing with immense brightness and plenty of cuteness. “Look at me! I’m the worlds greatest Pokemon master!” it cried, standing on the highest turret… It just wouldn’t fire no matter how much they pushed. Harder and harder…

“Shizumi kae sai sowo ai kakite aie samine ya sumi yo!!” Madison obnoxiously sqwaked. She knew it looked like a real Clow card… and Sakura FELT it, but then a figure skidded around the corner, swearing at her evil twin in fluent Japanese. It was Mei-Ling but no one ever knew that Li was waiting around the corner, holding a Yuki-sized net.

Nene started hacking into god only knows what expensive mainframe, while Lina and Priss continued smooching in the corner, which was kinda cool. Well, when they were going slow anyway. But then they sped up again, and sent the expensive Porsche to Washington, and all was calm.

“And now, the weather… It will be quite gloomy and dark above Mount Mordor tonight, with occasional showers of cherry blossoms.” Bleauette said, finishing the report.

“For whether it is nobler in the mind to be appallingly cute… their is no use denying it. She is just the cutest girl in Arlington, where everyone’s just dying to go,” he deadpanned, waiting for the laughs. But they were only greeted with facevaults and fanservice instead. Not that anyone objected.

Once Ryoko and Jesse had finished (but that was only on Misty) they still had the rest of the female cast to get through. Ash’s look of pure shock was just priceless. That arm of his behind his head in embarrassment as usual. Then he started nosebleeding - that’s what he does every time he even thinks about Bulma, even when she’s standing right in front of him, which inevitably leads to shenanigans.

“Those broom are flying everywhere except at the Turkeys!” yelled Seamus.

“Hmph! Incorrect pluralisation,” Shimizu Sensei sniffed, smelling her pen. “Oooh, lemony!” she added.

Bleuette raised her wing high in excitement. “I’ll be waiting for you. I need your love every day,” she suggested.

“Much better. And extra points for emotive language,” Shimizu said, scribbling intently in her notebook.

“Asa….k….ka? Is it morning?” he yawned and stretched enthusiastically.

Noir doesn’t know either of them, but thinks that at least one of them listens to News Radio too much.

“I want a love like you and Juliet had…”

“Uh, Miss?” the kid called, making her throw a ruler…

“Rikutsu ja wakaranai, you know.”

And they all died happily ever after. Except for the evil witch. But at least the king’s dungeon had Foxtel. But it was permanently tuned to Cartoon Network! AAAAHHHH!

By Josh and Si