Last week, in what has been described as an evolutionary impossibility, a rare species of potato chip was spotted at a local supermarket. Previously believed by scientists to have been extinct since the mid 1990s, the Ruffles species seems to have mysteriously reappeared without explanation.

We can only surmise that the species has been lying dormant in hibernation for over a decade. So far, only the pure breed has been sighted, with none of the known mutations yet to reappear. The precise reason for this latest resurgence is still unclear, and many scientists fear the worst if nothing is done to encourage the Ruffles to thrive in their natural environment.

This latest sighting of Ruffles in the wild has only seen the species gathering in herds of up to 30-strong. Compared to other species, this is a relatively small group size. When their numbers are depleted, usually through excessive hunting and consumption by predators, most species of crisps will come back in similar numbers as before. Upon repeated culling, the group will actually expand in population to meet increased demand.

Although counter-intuitive to the casual observer, this cycle of death and rebirth is actually essential for the survival of the Ruffles species. If left to die naturally in the wild with no incentive to multiply, Ruffles will simply dwindle out of existence. It is this unfortunate underconsumption that led to the original extinction of the species, and experts fear it may be happening again.

In an extensive survey conducted earlier today, only one specimen was spotted in the wild. Such a large decrease in population in just one week could be seen as cause for alarm. If numbers do not replenish soon, we will once again bear witness to the tragic extinction of what many believe to be the most intriguing and certainly tastiest species of crisp to grace this land.

So I hereby call on all readers to go out and report all Ruffles sightings and for the good of the species partake in excessive hunting and consumption!

… OK, so I’ve been watching way too much Planet Earth lately ^_^